Walk Before You Run—
First Build Confidence,
Then Build Skill
by Allan Misch
When I was a kid, I always ran, never walked. One day, I ran (as
usual) to our bathroom. I ran down our unlit hallway and made a
right turn, expecting to enter the bathroom through the always-open
bathroom door. Instead, I ran head first—actually nose first—into
the door that my brother closed.
I broke my nose and was knocked unconscious. Did you ever "see
stars"?
When I opened my eyes, I saw stars. After that incident, I started
to slow down and walk. I never had a problem like that again.
I've led many public speaking seminars. The majority of attendees
want to learn presentation skills, yet most dread giving presentations.
The simple truth is you can't improve your skills if you're wracked
with anxiety.
You have to walk before you run. You have to build confidence before
you can effectively build skills. So how do you become a confident
speaker. Take the following three steps.
Step 1: Identify Your Limiting Beliefs.
Limiting beliefs are those "Yes, buts" that compete with
the positive beliefs you would like to have. For example...
"I am an engaging speaker." (positive belief).
"Yes, but my audience won't appreciate me."
(limiting belief)
At the end of the competition, the limiting belief unfortunately
will win. You create your limiting beliefs based on a "limiting"
interpretation of your experiences.
Ask yourself...
"What experiences in my life led to this limiting
belief?" (Those experiences usually are rooted in
childhood, involving a caretaker.)
For example, you remember when you were 4 years old, your parents
were entertaining friends, and you joined in the conversation. Your
father said, "Children should be seen but not heard."
You
felt shut down and left the room. You remember several other occasions
when you were told the same thing.
So your young, inexperienced mind interpreted these events this
way:
"I shouldn't speak up, because I'm not appreciated."
If you were more experienced, maybe you could have interpreted
those events differently:
"My parents don't know any better. That's
what their parents told them."
Perhaps, you would have created a different, non-limiting belief.
But you created a limiting belief which you reinforced through negative
self-talk. Then you turned this process over to your
subconscious and it went to work reinforcing your limiting belief.
So now, anytime you have to give a presentation (speak up), you
feel that your audience won't appreciate you, and you become anxious.
Now that you're aware of how you formed your limiting beliefs,
begin listing all those specific events that could be the root causes
of those limiting beliefs. Next to each event, write the
limiting belief. Then you're ready for step two.
Step 2: Remove The Limiting Beliefs.
Find a process that you can use to remove your limiting beliefs.
Traditional therapy may help you but will probably take a long time.
Hypnotherapy is an alternative, but requires a trained hypnotherapist
to apply it. NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) is
another option, but it too requires a trained, or certified, professional
to get successful results.
These, and some other non-traditional methodologies, usually cannot
be applied by you.
You must see a practitioner, then see them again when another limiting
belief rears its ugly head to add to your dread.
You also could use the No Sweat Speaking™ Process, which you
can learn to apply on yourself. The NSS Process strips away all
the emotional aspects of those experiences that shape your
limiting beliefs. When that happens, your limiting beliefs lose
their grip on you and you're ready to apply the third step.
Step 3. Replace The Limiting Beliefs With Positive Beliefs.
In this step, you re-create your beliefs. Do this using positive
affirmations. For example...
"Audiences appreciate me because I care about them."
Affirmations replace your negative, limiting
self-talk with positive self-talk. They help to recreate positive,
empowering beliefs. These beliefs transform you into a confident,
power-house speaker.
If you've used affirmations in the past and they didn't work, it's
because you didn't remove the competing, limiting beliefs, which
win out over positive affirmations.
Once you take these three steps—identifying your limiting
beliefs, removing them, and replacing them with positive beliefs—you
will present with confidence. When you can speak confidently, you'll
expand your comfort zone and open your mind to learn presentation
skills and fine tune them.
The noted poet, artist, and philosopher, Khalil Gibran, said, "A
student in a hurry learns slowly." So walk before you run.
First build your confidence then develop your presentation skills.
(To learn how you can use the No Sweat Speaking™
Process to replace your anxiety with confidence, send an email to
mailto:cust-serv@nosweatspeaking.com.)
© Allan Misch and Allan Kaufman,
Allan and Allan, Inc., 2004. All rights reserved.
Allan Kaufman and Allan Misch http://www.nosweatspeaking.com
specialize in rapidly reducing public speaking fear and offer 2
valuable, bonus reports and public speaking tips in their complimentary
monthly No Sweat Speaking™ Ezine.
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