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WEB SITE TERMS OF USE
Wow! You actually
came to this page.Our
lawyers made us include it and made us use a precious button, or link, on our
home page to get you here. At first, we thought the lawyers were a real pain.
But then we read the page. What a Netwakening! It's really important stuff. We
took the legalese the lawyers wrote and translated it into readable English. So
be a smart nethead and read the stuff on this page. It could prevent you from
hearing from our lawyers, or worse yet, from really nasty people, like prosecutors. Here's
the deal:We run this site so that people like you (and people you like)
can use it for personal entertainment, information, education, communication,
and cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You
can even download stuff from the site but only for non-commercial, personal use.
If you do, though, don't fool around with the copyright and other notices all
over the stuff. They're there for a really good reason. And don't even think
about distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or anything
else uncool with any of the stuff, including the text, images, audio, and video,
for public or commercial purposes unless we give you written permission. And it's
not likely we will. If you visit our site, you're also legally obligated
to [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions listed below and any other law
or regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Baltimore
and Columbia, MD. You shouldn't access or browse the site if you have any problem
with that, because once you start, there's no turning back -- you are bound by
[read: stuck with] the terms and conditions. So here's the scoop on our
Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers who hang out on our site:1. For everyone's
sake, just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted unless we say it's
not. So you can't use the stuff except how we say you can on this page or anywhere
else on the site without our written permission. And like we said before, it's
not likely we'll give you permission anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the
lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway. So it's better you don't even ask. 2.
While we try to include accurate stuff on the site, we're not promising you it's
accurate. In fact, we're not promising you anything except fun and entertainment.
So if you use stuff on the site, you're using it at your own risk. Don't call
us if there's a problem because we assume no liability or responsibility for errors
or omissions on the site. 3. We and anybody else who helped us create, produce,
or deliver the site are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it.
In particular, the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes "direct,
incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access
to, or use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the
site is provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED
OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY,
FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT. Please note that
some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied warranties, so some
of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check your local laws for any restrictions
or limitations regarding the exclusion of implied warranties. " Ugh! What
a mouthful from the mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because we couldn't
figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers would accept. But here's the
bottom line—we're not responsible if you're browsing around and the site
damages you or your computer or infects it with any nasty viruses. We sure hope
that doesn't happen, but if it does, don't call us. 4. If you don't want
the world to know something, don't post in on the site in any bulletin board or
anyplace else. That's because anything you disclose to us is ours. That's right—ours.
So we can do anything we want with the stuff you post. We can reproduce it, disclose
it, transmit it, publish it, broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can
even send it to your mother (as soon as we find her address). Not only that, we
can even use any ideas, concepts, know-how, or techniques you post any way we
want to, including, developing, manufacturing and marketing products or other
stuff using the information you post. 5. Pictures of people or places shown
on the site are either our property or someone else's property we're using with
their permission. No matter what, it's definitely not your property. You or any
of your net-friends can't use it unless we said you could on this page or somewhere
else on the site. And guess what—we won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky,
because unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the
stuff you download to yourself. 6. There's also a lot of trademarks, logos,
and service marks on the site that either we own or we're using with someone else's
permission. So don't think you have any kind of license or right to use them,
because you don't and we're not about to give you one. If you don't leave them
alone and mess with our trademarks, logos and service marks on our site, we'll
probably go ballistic, so will the companies that own the other trademarks, logos
and service marks. That means that we're likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor
to come after you for messing around with our property or the property of others. 7.
You'll probably notice we've linked our site to lots of others. While that's cool,
it doesn't mean we've looked at all those sites, much less checked them out periodically
to see what's going on. So don't blame us if some site you link to is bad or has
stuff on it that offends you or your pets. Go ahead and link, but remember, you're
doing it at your risk. 8. That brings us to what you do on our own site.
While we occasionally listen in on chat groups, or look at the posting in our
discussion groups or on our bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and assume
no liability for the content of those locations or for any mistakes, defamation,
libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography, or profanity you
might encounter when you visit such places on our site. And don't be stupid
by posting or transmitting any unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene,
scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane material or any
material that law enforcement types may consider a criminal offense, get someone
in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that matter violate any law—anywhere,
anytime. While we certainly respect your privacy, we have no choice but to fully
cooperate with any law enforcement authorities or court which might ask us who
might have posted nasty stuff on our site. 9. Software that we use on this
Site is protected by all sorts of patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can't
download or send the software to anyone in the vacation travel spots of Cuba,
Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other country where United States
has embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone on the United States Treasury Department's
list of Specially Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department's Table of
Deny Orders, or the FBI's Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just kidding on the
last one). As if that were not tough enough, if you live in or are a national
of any of those lovely places, you're not even supposed to be reading this page,
so beat it! 10. We're also allowed to change this page and anything else
on the site any time we want to. That's because it's ours and we have the programmers
who can do it. If we do change the page, then you're bound by [read: stuck with]
those changes, too, whenever you visit our site. 11. If either of us wants
to make something of it and wants to “sue” (a dirty word) then we have
to follow these rules of engagement. (sort of according to the Geneva Convention): This
Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of Maryland, without regard to
principles of conflict of laws. To the extent you have in any manner violated
or threatened to violate NoSweatSpeaking.com and/or its affiliates' intellectual
property rights, NoSweatSpeaking.com and/or its affiliates may seek injunctive
or other appropriate relief in any state or federal court in the State of Maryland,
and you consent to exclusive jurisdiction and venue in such courts. Any
other disputes will be resolved as follows:If a dispute arises under this
agreement, we agree to first try to resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon
mediator in the following location: Howard County or Baltimore County, Maryland.
Any costs and fees other than attorney fees associated with the mediation will
be shared equally by each of us. If it proves impossible to arrive at a
mutually satisfactory solution through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute
to binding arbitration at the following location: Howard County or Baltimore County,
Maryland, under the rules of the American Arbitration Association. Judgment upon
the award rendered by the arbitration may be entered in any court with jurisdiction
to do so. If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have
seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to remind them that
human torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did they look
disappointed! July 2, 2003 NoSweatSpeaking.com
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